it's a girl!!
That's great, I look forward to meeting her in 18 years
dude you guys. You can't throw up in the recycling bin. I don't think vomit is recyclable
I am unable to type or say "unprotected, receptive anal sex" with a straight face. clearly, HIV was a poor research paper topic choice.
i love all of you. Physical. Emotional. Mental. All of it. When we speak i feel like a feather or a dragon depending on the conversation ...
I wonder if her husband knows I have my own drawer at the apartment
Fun fact. I am at the police dept. getting served a warrant for unpaid ordinance... and the officer was a one night stand from like 10 years ago.
My vday gift was a joint bouquet, Finding Nemo on bluray, and a good shower fuck.
Um, WHAT A FUCKING KEEPER!
I'm pretty stoned, and for a second I forgot that I'm not actually Barbie and I was getting excited about all the fun we were going to have on my jet.
if this uncomfortable exchange we're having is you trying to flirt with me i suggest you stop it before someone gets hurt
Things my liver can't take in one weekend. Surprise nights off at work and male strippers. Woke up jaundiced.
just chugging fertility tea and vodka, no big deal.
i chased my gummy vitamins with cold bacon, never say I don't take care of myself
I fought a guy last night because he said "extra pulp orange juice is the best orange juice"
That awkward moment when your drug dealer pulls your boss out of the snow
DO NOT FUCK YOUR ENGAGED GAY NEIGHBOR!
Randomize
