Why does it always sting when I'm breaking the seal taking a piss?
b/c u have herpes
No i said "always", not "since 2003" Asshole.
all I remember was being half naked drinking water on my hands and knees from her dogs water bowl.
The best part of listening to lady gaga while high is that any word your brain puts in is right.
is it still called a breakup if its your friends boyfriend that you have stopped sleeping with?
Howd you meet this guy?
I found him next to my pants on sunday morn.
I was just compiling a top 5 blowjobs list and that's in there for sure.
Alright, I can go by eventually,, I don't wanna lose a second pair of shoes this semster from blacking out...
Ever the responsible adult, I just realized that today is the Obamacare deadline, but I'm too high to handle insurance now.
The best part of the night was you shouting "I have to take the LSAT tomorrow" between shots of fireball.
Woah don't start going all boyfriend on me now, you're here for one thing and one thing only and that's sex, hot shameless sex.
he's a mother fucking interior design major!! we boned and fell asleep and now we're laying in bed discussing what color i should paint my room. i'm marrying him
I just want you to know you're the worst sister ever.
If this is about me and your ex, it's not my fault she doesn't like men.
Either my apartment is haunted or I'm far more drunk than I thought
We need a signal or code word for "I basically shaved my whole body and we should touch each other tonight".
Just a typical Friday. Dinner, drinks, doing lines with a member of Congress
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