I accidentally threw away from slim jim and some lady saw me dig it out of the garbage. It was unopened but still, I look so homeless.
First off: I'm drunk so fuck you. Second: you weren't a bad girlfriend. Tres: thats 3 in spanish. Number 4: fuck 3 Doors Down
According to my dad, my tongue ring makes people assume I give a lot of blow jobs because, as stated by him "that's what it's for"
Thanks for stranding me with th douchebag award recipients
Thursdays are my worst days
but now we sippin champagne when we thirstay?
I decided that not getting a job after college is gods way of telling me I will make a great housewife
I just wnated to let you know that I laminated my history notes so i can study in the shower.
I just got fire extinguished by his roommate while we were having sex. That's just taking cock blocking to a whole new level.
I'm going on a nature/throwup walk. Don't lock me out of the apartment.
Just sucked my third dick in the past twelve hours. I must want AIDS.
Dude. Get me out of here. I'm surrounded by glitter-faced 40 year olds in halter tops. The desperation here is so thick you can taste it.
I almost just texted "I'm lonely" to my gynecologist.
Not much, just taking another sorting hat quiz while waiting for this porno to finish buffering
I woke up to find a bottle of Bacardi in my shower rack. How was your night?
idk what happened last night but i just wokeup with nothing on but a necklace...what is this, the fucking titanic?
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