Ugh I have so many sins to confess tmw at church, you just made me think of many more I've made on that street alone
Dude I was fucking my girl on the couch and her dog came up and licked my balls. Does that mean we just had a threesome?
my new ipod has external speakers and a video camera...all i can think about is how much more convenient it would be for me to make a pretty decent sex tape
thank god my boss can't smell the tequila on my breathe over the phone.
christmas break will be like the 25 days of orgasms
I think I pulled my groin stumbling back from the bar. That or the hippo I woke up next to.
I hope you realize, I'm counting on you as my wingman next semester. It's your turn to advertise another man's penis. I did my tour all freshman year.
I refuse to have sex with you and your eBay condoms.
Im blowing my nose and the only thing coming out is beer
Haha yeah my head's fine..sorry about the dent in your fridge.
New Mean Girls drinking game: Everytime someone says Africa or Math, chug.
I'm in public and Taylor Swift is playing. It is taking all my effort to not screech like a goat.
New Serial podcast is out. We can listen to it tonight instead of having sex.
Nothing says Happy Thanksgiving like running into your ex boyfriend at the liquor store at 3 in the afternoon.
I fucked him on shrooms. His dick looked like a missile and he had snakes coming out of his ears. It. Was. AWESOME!
Randomize
