Her hair smelled like a rat dipped in mustard on fire
he literally just asked me which v neck he should wear tomorrow.
What's the protocol on showing a video of me sucking the life out of my ex in order to prove beyond a doubt that I give great head???
I mean, once you get beat with a dildo you can't look at someone the same
Spent the entire ride home from downtown trying to convince designated dawgs to drop us off at waffle house instead of our apartment. i told them it was my house...they didn't buy it.
Every man needs a table where they can sit and reflect on the successful penile conquests of the day.
Dont care what i do tnt just as long as i get to chug a beer in somebodys face
telling her she was ovary-acting wasn't the greatest idea. doing it in a text so she could see your spelling was where you really went wrong, though.
our friendships a beautiful delicate flower...that has been crushed by peni
Next time I feel awkward in a situation I'm going to just yell "free bird!!!!" Like some redneck at lynyrd skynyrd show
We were looking everywhere for you and I finally found you in the closet talking to a build a bear.. So I gave you and myself another drink
My roommate randomally bought me two bags of pretzels. Worst "Sorry you can hear me fucking my boyfriend everynight" gift ever.
I don't know where I'm at. But I'm pretty sure what I'm looking at is a small bear.
so in 24 hours i have gotten caught having sex in my car by a cop, almost burnt off my vag, almost got hit by a semi, and got fired. awesome.
I apparently ooze single. The second I left his house after break up sex five of my old booty calls text me
Randomize
