why didn't you poke me back
im spending all my christmas money on new years parafanalia aka things I will ingest or lose by the next morning
you puked out of a dead sleep and didnt wake up
what part of "i slept with our hot teacher" are you not excited about?!
the part where you beat me to him
fair enough.
Let's put it this way, it's 9am and that box of wine looks like the cure
I woke up with a new Tiffanys necklace on. I'm such a classy drunk.
I woke up to you in just boxers at my door at 7a.m. with you saying how many squrriels you counted on the walk back, then you made me penis shaped pancakes
The cab driver doesn't know where we can find an empire state building shaped dildo either!? What is wrong with NYC!?
You have like just as much sex as me and I have a brand new bf. That does not add up. That is not right.
You don't want any of I have. Seriously. Its 80 proof rum that was 8 bucks for a liter. I'm afraid
I'm sure your liver is writing out a will as we speak
first thing my tuition money buys is a strap on
I am a murderer. I ran over so many baby frogs. I wanted to stop and pick some up to take home, but all I have is a wine bottle. I'd hate to explain that to a cop.
The bald guy bought me a shot so I chugged it and then walked out to the middle of the dance floor and told an old woman that might be your moms twin to bend it over...We didn't end on a good note though. Dude she stepped on my vans.
It's funny because every time I go up and down the stairs it's an adventure. A A DRUNK ADVENTURE. PS I ALREADY THREW UP WTF
Haha, how do I word that nicely? "You got me to the edge of no return twice and failed to let me orgasm, therefore you owe me chicken nuggets or hot wings. Your decision"
Randomize
