a queef is a wish your heart makes.
Coffee flavored vodka sounded like such a good idea at the time. Now i never want to drink coffee again.
She's like a pop up book from hell.
You kept excitedly announcing to the bar what time it was. Followed by an equally excited "Clock language still makes sense!"
Appropriately today was the first time I've ever GTL'd. I can't believe I made fun of this,it's rather relaxing.
Well at least he stopped keeping track of money by bottles of McCormick.
we can't get the sharpie off the toilet seat from where you pressed your forearm with THUG LIFE written on it while you puked until 3 last night
i snuck out to taco bell in my hospital gown earlier
Church parking lot, park bench, front porch. I think she's more comfortable going down on me in public. May have found the one.
I don't want any of this. I just want big sausages.
New drinking game, drink every time Rhianna says "Work" in her new song.
I went to Walmart last night to buy some CDs--which is a sentence I never thought I'd say in 2016.
Okay. So did I kiss you last night? I know that I made out with someone. Or a few someones. But I'm pretty sure that I made out with you. Was that real life?
I cannot pick him out of a line up. I remember he is blonde and his half flaccid dick looks like gonzo. So unless he pulls down his pants I don't know who he is
im pretty sure i tried to use axe body spray to cover up the strong urine smell coming from my jeans. im also pretty sure that it didnt work.
Randomize
