i think the world will end when pigs can fly. think about it, everyone says blah blah when pigs fly. so shit would be going down if they ever can.
oh fuck your right
The first sip always goes straight to my vagina.
I feel bad for the person that has to clean the dishes that I peed on last night.
I just threw up while getting a haircut. I'm never trying to accomplish stuff with a hangover again.
She tried to wake me up by touching my dick. I kept pretending to be asleep.
I will never try to masturbate with americas funniest home videos playing in the background ever again
I love when I'm alone in the house. It's like pants were never invented.
Ita all starting to make sense i need vodka like i need air
Your resume just got faxed, I also modified it a bit and sent it to strip clubs...expect weird phone calls...
You cried for a while then lifted lots of weights then cady's ex put glitter on your tits and then you took a nap. I got you pizza and brought you home. Nothing too exciting.
He skipped an important family function with his dying father to fuck me. Terrible human, amazing fuck buddy.
drinks after work?
that question mark offends me.
HAVE BEEN SPEAKING IN RUSSIAN ACCENT FOR 5 HOURS
SHIRT GONE
Oh! I forgot to tell you. Part of that weird ass dream last night. I was jamie lee curtis and I cut off all my hair because yogurt.
My psychiatrist just sent me a dick pic
Randomize
