I wish facebook had a fuck off button.
i luv seein jocks study. its like watching monkeys masturbate.
Oscar is the man. He keeps getting pictures of hot nude women with messages in spanish saying "i hope you like it" sent to his phone
whose oscar?
the baller who i guess decided to give out a fake number at the bar last weekend. luckily that fake number was mine. i have enough porn to last me until next month.
there's no toilet paper. I'm using wheat bread.
I couldn't tell if those girls from the bar were lesbians or just awesome
i've never heard her scream louder than when the koreans scored. what am i lacking in bed?
New game: Step 1) Turn on ESPN. Step 2) Drink every time someone says "LeBron."
my step dad just called me a drunken slut..someone in my family finally understands me
Why are you covered in frosting?
Friend's birthday situation turned into enlightened cake orgy.
I know. he thinks we're 'meant to be'. No we're fucking not. God wouldn't give my soulmate a pencil dick.
I think animal control just caught me smoking a bowl on the back porch. Do they have any say in this matter?? Haha
I found your knife. It was stuck in my bedroom ceiling.
I'm sorry. I just realized our 'big night out' ended up being you driving my high ass to get burritos and back.
Let me tell you the story of bicurious george
Anytime you wish.we are doing double shots in the kitchen,and I drank a beer in the shower,so...the sooner you get here,the sooner you can get on our level.
Randomize
