I feel like our house is getting pulled over.
I'm telling everyone at work the mark on my neck is a hickey but really I was taking a shit while straightening my hair and burned myself
..and it was like all of a sudden I could hear the sounds my brain was making
We are taking shots off of spoons and listening to Mary Poppins.
I had to brake up with him.
In my experience drinking helps.
You dont want to know why?
Not really. I want to drink.
We literally just Chinese fire drilled so I could give him road head.
I feel like I shouldn't have to explain to you why giving your cat weed was a bad idea.
She was chasing her shots with beefaroni and I think I fell in love.
Note to self don't stop having sex during an earthquake! I call it a 6.1 orgasm!
You thought there were zombies attacking us so you tried to tuck and roll out of a moving vehicle. Also you should consider wearing underwear
Haha. I have resting bitch face. He has I want y'all to die face. It's a subtle difference
I'm shaking a cocktail while in bed. Is that bad?
The fact our science teacher from high school was buying us drinks and hitting on me doesn't matter.
I don't want to sleep with any other woman but you but I want to try this whole mother daughter thing that would be nuts
Do plants get herpes?
who is this
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