hey this is lauren, i have to type for jon because he's convinced the tongs he's holding are his real hands
Please advise as to how precisely ashamed I should be if I just became sexually aroused by a Harry Potter and the Half Blood Prince preview
Ohh the wonderful, yet disgusting things she can do with her hair
Listen, I'm 30. If it doesnt involve a super soaker and some chicken wings, you can count me out.
he's downstairs watching tv with my family... I called the home line so my mom could bring me my make up bag cause my real face would prob make him delete my number
He told me that if I were a guy he'd go gay for me. Honestly don't know how to take that.
Awkward moment: seeing and saying hey to the MILF you're sleeping with while shopping with your mother and sister.
He got hit with a horseshoe, set on fire, fell out of a tree, and puked all over the side of his car, all before midnight. Everclear.
He called me twice and texted me at 3am. Guess absence makes the dick grow harder.
Watching the Walking Dead, snuggled up naked, and drinking a beer. No better way.
If ever there was a tweet to describe your life, it's this.
Maybe snorting K off penises isn't healthy
Can I just say how funny it is that your "respect" tattoo is right above the bruise from me slapping your ass
ps. i have two very important words to sum up my night
which are?
library sex.
well ya only live once...
that cant be your answer for every horrible thing you do
that lady just saw me taking a picture of her baby... It's time to leave.
Randomize
