We named our saturday intramural dodgeball team "we're hungover". Pretty much just an excuse to fuel my alcoholism on friday nights.
I feel like none of my dresses scream slut the way I'd like them to
He sang nursery rhymes to my vagina to get me to have sex with him..
but then i turned into a human whiteboard because i thought it was a good idea to bring out markers
When the cops knocked on the door, he just knocked back and announced "house keeping"
Leaving someone plastered on a corner at 3am telling them to just scream for cock is NOT being a good wingman.
I got stood up on a date. They are singing "dancing with myself" on karaoke in my honor.
I dressed up as a breathalyzer test for Halloween; never had so many straight dudes blow me before!
stop sending me battleship coordinates and get back here so i can suck your dick
So apparently they remodeled our middle school. Looks like we'll need to find a new roof to play beer pong on this summer.
For not really liking Christmas, I have an astounding amount of holiday-themed lingerie
About to go make a man out of a 24 year old boy
As I shove my ninth taquito of the day into my mouth...
Picking our battles
I'm not sure what happened last night but my dog has a red cup taped to his back with a little beer and a ping pong ball in it..
We invented a new game.
Drunk in my hotel room, eating taco bell, and crying at Nicki Minaj's life story.
This is why I keep you in my life.
Wait you took his virginity AND broke his bed doing it
I know! I’m the best!
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