I just want to get to the point in our relationship where I can get on top of her and fart and we can both laugh...not just me.
She needs to learn she only fits into our friendship as a DD.
Everybody knows the last week of summer internships include showing up to the office hammered and hitting on the CEO
you got us kicked out of the restaurant for trying to pee in the trash can.
Oh you have a half-brother? Why that's right up my alley! Let's cause family strife
Tearing families apart since 2011.
It's pathetic. My bed hasn't been this sexless since it was in bedmart.
I've been here for three hours and I am already feeling sorry for whatever offspring i will indefinitely produce in this place.
I pray for you bro.
It was rough. I have dried puke in my hair and I don't know if it's mine or from the girl I met on the ground waiting for a cab.
They used the ice bucket from their room to drink beer from and called it the "Holy Grail"
Momentum is force x velocity. So therefore velocity is 0 - hammered, and force is ur legs locked up and ur face hits the ground.
I felt paralized they just wouldnt move. We need segways when were drunk cuz if we start to fall forward they well take off and save the fall.
Nothing warms my heart more than the sight of a naked hockey player in my bed.
That's not "anything", that's you deep throating a mozzarella stick.
I know he works a lot but c'mon man. I 69'd you the first week we boned. Put a little effort in. Fuck.
Can you masturbate to someone liking your instagram picture?
she crawled a good forty meters just to whisper in my ear... "dildon't"
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