we better have passed that bar exam - i dont want to have to drink like this again
for a minute I thought I needed to put on pants to go get a burrito, but then I remembered I'm in college
i woke up to the sound of my dad getting blown. this is my life
New handbag passed the ultimate test. The walk of shame. I had a bra, tights, skirt, shirt & sweater in it and you couldn't tell. yessss.
Hey when you wake up and read this, we really need to stop pullin our dicks out when we drink dude. I have all the pics, yall are assholes
I had to have my mom pick me up from the party and the windows lock was on so when I went to projectile vomit out the window it wouldn't roll down and it splashed back at my face.
And by sexy pictures I mean pictures of my penis in strange places. I rock out with my cock out.
I WANT TO. I JUST IMAGINE HIS BEAUTIFUL BLONDE HEAD INBETWEEN MY LEGS AND I BREAK DOWN AND START CRYING.
I just did a line of coke with an Olympic bronze medallist. I guess we know why he only got bronze.
you smell like cheap hookers & chicken nuggets.
Literally every boy I've dated is now in a somewhat successful band. My vagina has obviously been blessed by the rock gods.
My day so far: morning after pill and pancakes. Living the dream.
Does she know she is talking to people who slam shots of fireball and chase it with vodka?
You said, "I'll have this whole island inside of you by 6 AM. Just point out who you want and I'll make it happen."
What's a really polite way of saying "you have gravely overestimated the value of your vagina?"
Randomize
