I take no responsibility of who alcohol hooks up with using my body!
47 days without vaginal penetration. Im pretty sure it's grown over.
Do you realize that if your cunt was a missing person it would be assumed dead?
It's not kidnapping if it's romantic
I'm sorry. Both for you two breaking up and because I just ate some of your cheez it's.
I maybe just had sex outside in broad daylight. At a state park. Please be proud.
In less than 3 minutes we had 3 security guards running after us
im still going. this is my new reality. also. dont take glowsticks in the bath. they explode. actually. do. it. its beautiful.
i dont think thats healthy man...
The next time i black out make sure i remove the ping pong balls from my weave. Especially before my first day of classes.
That kid i sell weed to just had his mom give him a ride over here she waited in the car while he bought a bag
My Instagram consists mostly of drag queens and people who dress up as power rangers... I'm pretty sure I'm an unclassified category of gay
Hi this is the guy from the cell phone store. Your Dad just upgraded your phone as a surprise. I didn't tell him about your topless pics on your phone. I transfered them to new phone. Nice rack!
She's started this new thing where whenever she drives by random couples talking alone outside she yells "break up! this is your sign!"
i may or may not have bought a plane ticket for a russian cam girl to fly here. also, can you spot me $300 on rent?
Are you missing a tooth after last night? Because I found one in my coat pocket...along with what smells like dried jäger and a package of deer jerky.
Uh not that I recall.
Oh wait nvm. It's mine. Yeup, definitely my tooth.
I think I'll shower sitting down. That seems safe.
Randomize
