she really just asked how mermaids reproduce.
So i just bought beer on a credit card, using a fake ID, while wearing my nametag from work. All 3 have different names on them. God i love my boobs.
We got a party bus for the nite. I found out the hard way why stripper poles are meant for girls.
you just started pointing at the light and whispering "star wars"
i need you to babysit me first week back at school. havent had tequila, adderal, or sex w randoms in 3 months
Just seen a scantily clad pirate with 2 36 packs of natty ice on a bike riding with no hands. If she doesn't hit a speed bump she's golden and should be on the next Americas got talent.
Dude your neighbors are having a garage sale. They were judging me as I walk of shamed back to my car.
I made a list on my phone of places I want to fuck, it's right under my list of groceries I'm getting a little too used to regular sex but dude monogamy is the shit
Just cleaned someone else's sperm off of my bedroom wall. Never throwing a house party again.
I'm not sure I can continue to condone our having sex in all of your friends' beds
I jammed my finger giving him a hand job. Don't ask how, I'm still trying to figure that out.
I spent half an hour sculpting my pubes into a perfect triangle of really short hair, and the first thing he said when he saw it was "Don't you think you need a shave?"
I used to shoot steroids in my ass but for a totally different reason
I don't know who's idea it was to get wine for a frat party but my poor pitiful hung over self really fucking hates them.
I may have made out with your roommate and your cousin tonight. In my defense I thought both of them were your cousin.
Randomize
