i just remembered that i beat off next to you while we were naked and passed out next to each other after last night... No Homo
now you know why we've never bought a 12 pack of king cobras before.
she used her one phone call to ask me about my day
You see.... Im at the point in my life where pissing in a toilet is a luxury for me
My lower body still feels like its been through a garbage disposal and a trash compactor. In that order.
God I hope the gutter I die in is nice. You know, for a gutter.
Annnnd I didn't even notice there is a guy dancing in a jock strap beside me. That explains girls smiling at me
Did you hook up with him before or after he shaved off half of his eyebrow?
I can only only sleep there on nights I orgasm cause he snores so loud and if he leaves me hanging one more time ill probably cut off his dick from lack of sleep and frustration
She bought my penis dinner and beer last night. Her words
I'm so fucking horny right now If I blink I might cum
I didn't want to hook up with him so I just jumped out of bed, yelled "I don't even believe in god!" and ran out of the room
I'm never going out with the ashleys again. it was whoreible. terrifyingly whoreible.
i just drunk stumbled into my home... to figure out that we moved 2 weeks ago..
What the hell was that?
Genius. It was sheer genius.
Randomize
