I just ate an adderall and jelly sandwich in front of my mom. Homework time!
GOOD IDEA: Stealing the bike a couple blocks away so I don't have to walk. BAD IDEA: riding bike for the first time in years drunk as hell. I'm bleeding and my body hurts and once again I can't find my car.
i just woke up at 8pm naked in my bed, with a fresh haircut. I wonder what barber i went to.
the choice between paying your electricity bill and getting herpes medicine is a tough one.
Valium party in the driveway. Attendance: 1. Don't make me do this alone.
Everything's fine I'm just stoned and my pillows are too soft.
In need of cum proof mascara. Don't judge me.
its sad im about to start saving up for how drunk i need to be for the holidays
All I remember is folk music and a lot of drugs. I am never going "on an adventure" with you again
I'm going to assume that "the army of generous folk dancers" is no longer a goal you are willing to fulfill
I saw him and didn't have sex with him. Responsibility five!
How did you tell her we met?
I told her that we met at the sex shop down the street, I thought it would be the most reasonable explanation.
I havent moved from the couch and I'm licking peanut butter from a spoon, I'm a beautiful person.
Regardless I WANT TO BE YOUR SEX DISPENSARY. that is like the career I was born for.
Noooo no no no no. She scares me. She means business. She wore a diaper when we went to the bar.
my mom is feeding me weed brownies...god help us
Randomize
