She's perfect. Funny, gorgeous, 3 tats, been through a lot, bright. I'm in love.
I just sold a pizza for the ability to listen to spice girls.
I'm pretty sure he jizzed in his pants, and no it wasn't even half as funny as that song.
I'm gonna have bed sores at the end of this hangover.
Is it bad to go up to the security desk and ask them for the name of the guy I signed in last night? I have absolutley no clue
He busted his lip while trying to keep from passing out in the pool. The hotel people don't seem to be too concerned that we're passing around a bottle of SoCo at 11 am.
i woke up and saw you were brushing his hair naked. I can never pass out around you, man.
I wish I could but I can't. No beer pong or sex on a hammock...such an unproductive weekend
Having to explain to my dad why there are chicken wings to the pool filter, new low.
Go big or go home. Or get a live in house boy you met 7 years ago and feel like you have unfullfilled potential. You know, the usual
It wasn't a basement apartment, it's his parents basement. And he wanted to show me his pet tarantula collection. I NOPED THE FUCK OUT!
the staff put glowsticks in the urinals of the porta-pottys last night and honestly drunk me has never been more grateful for anything in his life
Your sister walked upto me in the middle of the hallway and was like get us beer or shes never having sex with you ever again, wtf
You’re going to be a doctor, and I’m going to be a trophy wife. We both have goals
He was eating me out on a picnic table on the frame lake trail and right after I came, a group of hikers walked around the corner. Stood up just in time
And this is one of the many reasons why you need a car.
Randomize
