I got everything I ever gave her back, every picture, and money for the dog. I didn't want it she brought it all back and gave it to me. clothes jackets, pictures, dried flowers, ear rings, necklace...
Sell it on ebay and let's go to the bar
Sign #1 this conference will suck: Ice breaker question, how many proud virgins do we have in the room, overwhelming response. Looks like I'm not getting laid this weekend.
i knew it was time to leave when he woke me up only wearing pooh bear oven mitts and holding a plate of thank you pancakes
Had sex to a Lionel Richie song. I have a feeling I was conceived to it. Finally reached full circle.
Matt is in the hospital again. the night nurse text me asking not to bring the boombox again. is it sad or awesome that they are starting to know us?
The drugs are starting to wear off. Suddenly aware there's a girl with bald patches and 2 guys that don't have a full set of teeth between them.
She gave me a rubber ducky to make me feel better while I was throwing up.
I'm drinking screwdrivers in the pool naked. Call 911 if I don't check in regularly
There needs to be a crayon color for how blue my balls are
why are our drunk alter egos so much more successful than us?
It's like shitshowville, population: those girls.
He puked over my shoulder into the toilet. The guy in the next stall sounded totally appalled.
I actually want to work out for some reason... I think it's my brains way of telling me it doesn't like living in a fat body.
Definitely woke up.this morning to a random girls head in my toilet and her mom knocking on my door.
there is a tent in the living room. its a vip tent room. i want in.
Randomize
