It would be worth it to see how drunk he is right now.
He cartwheeled into the side of the neighbor's garage.
Ok, i'm coming over
I’m once again drinking at eight am on a Sunday in my tutu. This garment is literally my best purchase ever.
Alli causes anal leakage. You can find someone to like you if you are fat but no one will like you if you poop yourself.
As soon as the judge read that I rear ended the car from getting roadhead he chuckled. You know he's been there before.
Getting wasted on top of a casino. My penis is so much higher than everyone else's right now.
Sometimes when I see a shoe on the side of the road, I get a little depressed that I've never partied that hard.
did we cross streams again? the only thing I remember is seeing a dick
He puked in the funnel and continued to chug it. Who is this dude?
She told me about it right after. She said she was scared I would be disappointed. And I was, but I pretended not to be. Which pretty much sums up our relationship.
Responsible roommate: 1. Someone who takes a huge shit at work so as not to clog the toilet at home.
I'm spending tomorrow with her. What should my ridiculous personal goal be? I've already got a blowjob while eating a cupcake
I just woke up under my desk. Not to worry though, no one is in the office yet
Ordered a pizza stoned. The guy handed me my pizza and I tried to pay him by handing him back the pizza.
We watched Purple Rain and then proceeded to have sex while listening to the album. If that's not exactly how Prince would want people to honor him, I don't know what is
We could just stay sober.
No! We tried that once.
It sucked.
Randomize
