I fucked a guy named chris tucker last night
Spotted: forty year old in red dress, cigarette in hand, squatting to pee by railroad tracks. Hello future.
it feels like my vag is blowing bubbles
Did you really just use your nipple as a unit of measurement?
I'm drinking sangria out of a sand pail. I'll pass on tonight
Cause your way of greeting people at the club was grabbing a tit and jiggling it while yelling a name, which usually wasn't theirs, and guys weren't safe either.
Times like this, when you talk openly about Tinkerbell being your spirit animal, are times when I'm allowed to question your sexuality.
Caught in the act of lying. Lipstick literally all over his dick. He tried to make some story about darkwing duck or some shit but failed to realize he is a complete moron.
Crazy how fast a room full of drunk teenagers sober up when someone breaks his parents' new flat screen
Mom called her a cunt. I think that's code for "don't bring her over ever again."
Just remember, Dont make worse choices than american flag pants to your own birthday party
I want to tell everyone I've ever met about how he him picking me up and fucking me against the wall was the highlight of my life. Worst lesbian ever.
And my nipple is sore from him biting it. That is not a complaint.
HE'S LIKE A GREEK GOD BUT HE'S FROM BOSTON. HE'S A BOSTON GOD
pray to him
I WANNA PRAY ON HIS DICK
I'm just going to use my debit card. I feel bad buying pizza with the money I stole from my roommate...so I'm going to put it in my piggy bank.
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