Remember back in the day when getting fingered in the movie theater was the best thing ever?
turns out a healthy dose of cleavage is the equivalent of a swig of felix felicis
somethin' about having sex in my parents bed makes me feel like l'm finally an adult.
If turning my entire backyard into a slip-n-slide is wrong then I don't wanna be right
whatever. i almost had sex in a car with someone passed out in the back seat. phone's not my biggest worry.
Ps I got my nipple pierced. You're just gonna have to accept me for the tool I am and I don't wanna hear any shenanigans.
you start one little fire by the lake and the police want to talk to you all night...
There is a severe lack of banging on that itinerary... I'd like a revision on my desk within the hour
I'll bring your "congrats on finally banging" cookies tomorrow, I'm exhausted.
Im shooting goldshlager and waxing my crotch
I'm super depressed and stressed and I just want spaghetti and sex...
Too much dab too little lung dying šµšµšµ
We were like one big happy Eskimo family.
Beer and Reeses. dinner of champions
uh...sober saturday NEVER has a good ring to it.
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