Why did I cab home last night?
Because you said you were drunk, sad, and someone called you a hooker.
A little girl and i are having a face making battle in mcdonalds
She started it, but I totally finished it.
Don't fret. That vag would have consumed a lesser man.
This is my last and worst hangover of the decade...I almost cherrish it
if the best thing you can say about him is "he probably wont kill me" you may want to rethink hanging out with him
Saw a guy pass out and hit his head on a urinal. Laughing too hard to help him up
He was trying to hotbox the banana suit. Of course we traded him for vodka.
She refuses to believe she pulled down her pants and spanked her ass in front of us
The bet was for naked jumping jacks. And it back fired, she just laughed at all the slapping noise.
We are not in a rock band. We can't continue living like this.
Tonight I plan on passing out fully clothed on the table. I don't know where normal people plan on sleeping.
How weird is it that 2 people I've had sex with have the same birthday and they don't even know each other
He was a foot taller than me and my hands were bigger than his, it's called Pity head
You smoked too much and passed out, didn't you?
You know me so well.
I bonged champagne. And did keg stands. What in the actual fuck am I doing with my life?
Randomize
