I think im going to throw up on grandma
the other night i did but this one wasnt and it was so random. i was hooking up with this boy who wanted to roleplay and pretend to be snakes
I want to frame my negative pregnancy test.
just heard this guy tell a story about how he got boat head. i want his life
hey im home...im not sure how this mcdonalds got here but whatever im gonna eat it anyway.
please dont make me drink to the titanic soundtrack
Nothing says happy baby shower like showing up still kinda drunk from last night with an open tall boy in one hand and fries in the other.
I could barely talk to the cabbie and I was text bombing everyone. They need to make an auto timer app to prevent people like me from belligerent late night harrassing. And I was seeing double... Prob would have tried to give your leg a bj and then fallen down the stairs.
You just said we could build a blanket and pillow "fuck fort." Of course I'm never leaving you.
A BJ like that needs to be recommended.
Is eating fries while lying on the floor bad for you?
If I choke and die at least I will have been doing something I love
my grandma just gave me a shoebox fulled to the top with tootsie rolls and condoms with a not that said "enjoy college, find a big cock" i'm not sure how I feel about this
ROB LOWE. SO BEAUTIFUL. SO DOUCHEY. SO HARD TO SPELL HIS NAME WHEN DRUNK.
That's probably why white girls drink so much espresso. Piledriving coke and vodka crans takes a fucking toll man
You know it's a good night when the word slut is imprinted on your ass and your hands smell like lube.
Randomize
