some girl had on jean underwear. i hate america.
Ran into him today. He apologized via facebook. sometimes I hate our generation
A guy just tried to send me a pic of his penis & my phone sent me a disclaimer saying "the components were unsuitable for your terminal"
Even your phone knows you shouldn't sleep with him...
I really need to find better places to throw up. I would like to be able to use the bathroom sink the next morning for brushing my teeth
We had sex after spending two hours in the drunk tank. It was really deep and meaningful
I think I just need to get a pillow shaped like a toilet seat.
what's an appropriate "I'm fucking your grandson but I'm trying to hide it" outfit?
Well some days you just have to get blackout drunk and try to speak Spanish to French Canadian strangers
We were on the balcony tossing jello shots to people passing below
When people said no i'd yell "i tried them i promise they aren't roofied!"
Wait, just ask him if can you can join in. You haven't lived until you've taken part in a threesome with your father...or so I've heard
Hey I didn't mean to be all lemme get with your ex husband.
Do I get bonus points if I get lockjaw after a cosmic blowjob?
I would rather her be sleeping with someone new than getting to go Harry Potter world before me...
I gave him head while despicable me 2 played in the background. I think I disappointed the minions
Tomorrow I'm going to tape my thumbs to my palms and my biceps to my abdomen to learn what it's like to be a t-rex for a day. Anyone else in?
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