drunk at some random house party. come get me. i thought i pulled my dick out to go piss... it was my left nut. im soaked.
bro i finally banged her last night on our basement couch
I'm at this frat party right now and yelled "my little 16 year old brother finally lost his virginity." They gave you a standing ovation
just woke up in the hotel with gummi bears all around me and someone took the tv
we took the tv and as for the gummi bears don't eat them you put em in her vagina
I inspected his penis with a mini flashlight to check for visible stds...he was clean
If sitting in the car passing a flask back and forth because the bar we go to is having some power issues on Christmas eve isn't Christmas spirit, then I don't know is.
theres chocolate ground into my couch, nerds candy all over the floor and cocaine on every surface. great memorial day weekend and yours?
yes i am an adult who snuck out of my parents house to cuddle with a guy and then came home and listened to taylor swift. judge me all you want.
I was wondering, is there any way to hook up a lawn hose to a keg?
How is it that I've hooked up with not one but two guys in the children's section of a bookstore tonight?
At least I'm fat on the outside. You can NEVER change being fat on the inside.
To be honest, waking up to 20 naked people in my house was not the weirdest thing to happen to me in the past 24 hours
When I'm drunk I really like to hold dicks. Like, affectionately.
He told me I smelled like fruit loops and then bit me on the tit
Isis wins if we don't have the loudest, kinkiest sex in every part of my house tomorrow
You need to go! It’s a midwestern wedding - the single girls out there think life ends at 25 if they don’t have a picket fence and family. That’s when your penis introduces himself
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