Is it gay to rub my penis between my butt cheeks and pretend that they're tits?
Wow! You need to get laid.
I just jerked it so loud the neighbor banged on their floor. maybe my wife got the point
I feel like if you stuck me in a room with all my old toys it'd be the best high ever.
Being a slut is okay if you're being a polite slut, right?
Im gonna need you to always be ready for drinking or this will never work. grow up peter pan.
If you didn't damage your room so much from fucking so hard we would have got more of our security deposit back
I resent that
My goal for break? Fuck all my exes in reverse order.
I asked for my Beats earbuds back and he sent me a pic of them tied around his penis. Now I miss both my great ear buds and his great dick
The salesman at the smoke shop just told me my hair is glorious...
I'm a professor! I can't be caught chasing the liquor with you hooligans once the undergrads have seen my face
I mean, how am I going to build a relationship on trust if he finds out I roofied him?
He called me for phone sex. Do you know how hard it is to fake an orgasm, and play Candy Crush at the same time?
Is it ok to bone a former patient who is also a client? Since it is two negatives does that cancel and become a positive?
You know shits really hit the fan when you start using public bathroom air freshener spray as perfume
what? where are you?
I was running because his wife invited me to join them on their kinky Vegas weekend. Crossing state lines is too much commitment for me.
Randomize
