so my car got towed last night. I didnt know it cost 118 dollars to have a college experience
she actually told me to ignore the cokeheads in the corner with knives.
I forgot to tell you thank you for putting me out when I was on fire. im sure I'll laught about this someday...
dude wearing that thong all day was not worth the 7 bucks
Standards? I'm sitting on his couch eating microwaved ramen wearing his wife's t-shirt. I don't remember what having standards even feels like.
We're gonna go drive around campus and throw water balloons at all the drunk bitches wobbling around, wanna come?
I tried to convince the Lobo Card people to take my pic with my sunglasses on because I will probably always be this hungover.
Of all the things that can be stripped of me i'll be damned if it's my vanity
Adults smoke weed in footie pajamas man. You just gotta accept me for who I am.
Hooked up with a guy resembling a bearded Cher. I need the lenses on my beer goggles fixed. Pronto.
new district manager is here. you need to come in early
5th mimosa says otherwise
Ur wingman ability is causing serious doubt
Ok first off its WAY easier if you are actually here
Lets just say I tried to pinky promise the cop... So I was fucked up.
My booty call made my bed while I was in the shower. I may have to marry him.
If you wanna fuck the pudding, fuck the pudding. Just not the chocolate, Im gonna eat that.
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