There's a Cowboys game and a Rangers game on at the same time...talk about Sophie's choice
Best news ive heard all week. The cougars r coming! The cougars are coming!
Ever since I got married, I've become the MacGuyver of masturbation
I had it in my eyebrows, my bangs, under one eye, and across both cheeks. Congratulations on the successful and elusive warpaint cumshot.
Is it bad that I stopped wanting to fuck her as soon as I noticed she had dry skin?
I sometimes completely doubt that you're straight.
I need a horse. I don't think you can get a DUI on a living creature.
Hhahaha he is. Omg the new polish friend just took his pants off in front of me. There is something wrong with this nationality.
I'm mumbling to people and trying not to accidentally shit my pants
My Yoga instructor is playing the music from 'Requiem for a Dream' it makes me very reluctant to put my ass in the air
have you ever seen all dogs go to heaven this is important
He thought he was ordering for the whole party so when he came back with thirty burritos and four of us were left, he wasn't happy
He took initiative. Dragged me into the kitchen and did me on the stove....while it was on! And then we made nachos.
Have you ever thrown up in the middle of your hair appointment? Cause I have..
We could probably bang our way to enlightenment. However acid helps.
Look idk the rules and regulations of our freindship...but I need you to carry me to my car.
Randomize
