My husband just tried to seduce me by saying we can do it doggystyle so you can watch tv
Cuntadactyl. (n). A pre-historic dinosaur of Mandy-like features that is primarily identified by it's inability to play well with others and overall C-word demeanor. Physically, an unfortunate appearance.
Real housewives of new joisy starts MONDAY. Skype session after? Virtual slap the bag?
just peed on my foot to get a spider off. that lazy.
no normal human would even think about making waldo slutty but you
I just dropped macaroni right down my cleavage. For the sake of our future, I'm really banking on this being a turn on for you.
Well, my mom brought up me being vague about losing my license and she gave me the intervention look. so i left before they could bring out their heartfelt letters...
Nothing says "I forgive you for puking on me during sex" like a Facebook add the next morning...
I just pulled a piece of cookie out of my bra in the middle of class. I'm forever alone.
As part of the off-hours team building exercises, I had my new coworkers figure out to push me back to the hotel from the nearby bars in a shopping cart every night for a week.
She tried to subtly measure me, but I noticed. She told me I barely made the cut otherwise there would have been just a handshake as a parting gift.
So his 25th anniversary post of love to his wife was almost verbatim what he said to me last week. Does that mean I win or lose?
I wonder if my sister will drive me around while I do bong hits in the back seat..
9 am booty call on your ex's birthday. Fuck yea
How do you say "put it in me" in Spanish... I'm dealing with language barriers here.
Randomize
