I let some guy put hot sauce in my asshole for his birthday
She’s leaving for college so I made her a gift basket with all the essentials. You know- Ramen, a 12 pack of PBR, some leftover Plan B pills and a laminated business card for a good lawyer. Damn I’m a good big sister.
okay, this is the fifth time he asked if it was in yet. maybe i shouldn't have dated a blind guy.
She has a concussion we think. Dancing to barbie girl.
I asked her if she wanted to make this a permanent exclusive thing instead of a fuck buddy thing, and she just looked at me like I'm an idiot.
That's because you are an idiot.
her moans were so awkward that i kept asking "what" when she'd say my name...
No way. Our relationship is based solely on texting and sex. A phone call would be too much at this point.
My roommate is trying to suck beer out of the rug.
I'll be accepting presents in the forms of drinks, drugs, and orgasms. So any or all of those will be fine.
I remember nothing of last night, but I did manage to figure out which frats I went to by the trails of straw across campus.
We found him sitting in a beach chair in the basement storage room passed out. Idk if we should move him or pass the bowl around.
For every drunk face picture you send me, I'm gonna send a wholesome family photo.
He brought me breakfast in bed after our one night stand. Beer and Cheerios I may come back to this place
I just farted so loud someone came to check on me. Thought something fell in my office.
The man at the checkout said "Somebody's not fucking around".
It's gonna be a good night
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