At a strip club after monster truck rally. You should be here
Dude if you're in another zip code it doesn't count
You don't understand. I'm not like you.
I heard you threw up in your lap?
I heard that too.
I wish my period boobs were my regular boobs.
Eliza got arrested. What's the protocol on eating an arrested person's sandwich?
And I'm PMSing. So if I'm not crying, I'm masturbating.
She had one of those kid princess beds. I asked how she expected to fuck on that and she just said "thats what the slide is for". I've never wanted to marry a one night stand before.
Woke up naked on a bed full of money, doughnuts, and keys that weren't mine. Unsent dick pick on phone, and cheap cigar butt on my pillow. Also...I maybe hotwired my car.
Currently hot boxing a fort I made on our snow day... This is legendary
Even blacked out me knows not to sleep with socks on
I'd cum everywhere if I could have chicken nuggets right now
A check for $9 that I used to buy six boxes of Girl Scout cookies bounced. I think I've hit a new low.
We go out and drink, fuck, and I stay the night. He agrees to it because he knows I'll hook him up to IV fluids in the morning. Everyone wins
what happened last night?
we watched you eat an entire bag of dorritos in the pouring rain... you refused to come inside
He jerked off some dude with a slice of Wonder Bread.
The sports guy?
Yeah. They claimed the bread made it hetero
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