the best part about being a teacher is there are always 20 little kids around me to blame my farts on
It's a shame that I don't know his last name. Actually, it's an ever bigger shame that I don't know his first name
I am not saying a eulogy for your vibrator.
He also has a monumental penis. It's unbelieveable. I'm sorry but he's perfect.
The only reason we got away with streaking last time was cuz we had those miner hats
Who wrote Most Moistest Dad on my chest and what the fuck does it mean?!?
i looked at my phone & had a message that said "tell your friend she needs to clean my livingroom, i dont appreciate her trying to turn it into a bubblebath." I give you probs.
Watching him and my sister argue over a rum and coke about who's going to chop the coffee table in half with a hatchet...
The next time you fuck up, your grandma sees your dick pics
I almost went home with him but then my hydroxycut fell out of my purse at the bar and I ran away
And I was like "take off the damn flower crown, we're about to have sex not post an indie picture on tumblr"
why not an indie porn pic then
I just set my mike's hard down and didn't want it to spill, so I held my finger up and told it to shoosh. I'm drunk.
YOU CANT JUST BLOW GUYS BC THEY’RE NICE TO YOU LEXI
I CAN IF I WANT TO
You were pretty conviced that my dog was a spanish child and kept trying to read him the news from your iphone app
He ate me out for my sailor moon manga and I gave him a blowjob for his Devilman manga. Pretty sweet deal imo
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