when people say theyve been sober for however many years is that like couple beers not drunk sober, or no drinking sober?
Whatever it was. it was pregnant.
How has he not realized you're pregnant?
Spanx.
He's warming up to shark week, by only eating fish and drinking vodka, and all the time he keeps yelling "death to the seals!"
I don't have any food so I made a martini so I could eat the olives. Don't tell me I can't think outside the box.
shes 19, drunk and said she has no gag reflex. im trying to decide if i have scruples
you dont
i dont
tequilla shots with my grandparents? christmas visiting just got so much better
Update- I sold my hat to some drunk kid for 50 bucks. I used my earnings to buy beer on the way home. I realize to everyone else seeing me drinking on my balcony at 6am, I look like an alcoholic, but I'm thinking of it as a night cap
My dad just sent me a text reminding me to bring the family beer pong championship belt. Thanksgiving 2012 just got real
My class coordinator for bio told us that the only thing we should do the night before an exam is to get laid. And then party down after the exam. I like him.
We started pregaming at 8. It's 11, and her only 11:11 wish is to be sober. It's hard to not love her.
I'm sure we could go all project runway on our diapers and create some flattering absorbent thongs. We could do it on the Boat. Call it project rumway.
I just realized I haven't got laid since the last time the Browns won.
I feel like the dump I just dropped is the most successful thing I've done so far today.
I've been trying to masturbate for the longest time now and so far I've accomplished getting tangled in my computer battery cord and phone charger and hitting my knee on my laptop.
Randomize
