party started at 10. cops are coming to shut us down now and its 11. i already lostmy underwear and im wearing a sparkly thong on my haed. this has to be some kinda record.
Nipple clamps can be ambiguous
Note to self: never go down on a girl first thing in the morning…its like opening a grilled cheese sandwich
i just unintentionally masturbated to my own facebook picture
Just bought plan B with a coupon. Told the pharmacist I like to keep it classy.
Every day you talk to me ... I literally love you more..
I just saw on the news, this guy tried to smuggle coke in a bouquet of roses... and to think I used to hate valentines day.
He could list all of the presidents! Every one, and in order!! I was so impressed the least I could do was give him a blow job.
Ah, yes. Making our founding fathers proud.
Everyone was high fiveing on their a walks of shame home. God im gonna miss college life
I tried telling you she just blew me in the bathroom but you were too busy making out with her to listen
he just used "boss" and "boner" in the same sentence. I cant respond.
Gosh I haven't been pantsless in front of anyone for a while. It's time for me to pick up my game. We need a party. I need some rum.
Want to get drunk and look at an xray of my dick?
I was high last night eating a fudge bar and making eggs with toast and corned beef hash for a 2 am snack and my dad asked what I was and the only reply I could think of was "I'm an adult."
I definitely don't have enough experience with hookers to be in this group text anymore.
you never un-have a 4some
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