Can I ask u a weird question?
Sure
do u have the hershy squirts too?
I woke up in my girlfriends bed with another guy laying next to me. wtf.
I don't make the first move. Ever. Unless were playing monopoly cause that's my shit
I wish that one Sunday morning I could wake up feeling like I have my life together.
Am I texting you while being used as a stripper pole by two half-naked women? hint: I am.
One of my students in my 8am class brought me a Tim Hortons cup with a bloody Mary in it. Clearly, I didn't manage to look not drunk when I ran into him at Denny's at 4am. Who decided to let me teach?
Some old truck driver just made me smell his beard I hope tonight turns out better
nope. It turned out i wasnt the drunkest person asleep in tacobell parking lot.
Me and the cabbie are stopping on the way at a sit down restaurant to eat. My life is so sad.
Had a dream I beat up niall then madeout with him while snorting coke out of a dragons egg
I got high with the cantor. Rethinking this whole non-practicing Jew thing.
She loves introducing her friends to my foreskin.
Yeah yeah I know I have to bring your dog back.
this isn't the first time drunken padiddle ended in a fist fight..
His wife found the thong I “forgot” in his glovebox
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