so i just saw your dad embarking upon a biking journey in full reflective gear
...this stays between you and me
I just recorded courtney puking and set it as my ringtone.
In Canada she would be a 10 but here in America she's only a 7
When he came he sounded like a flock of birds hitting puberty
We have a hundred jello shots. Lines will be crossed.
I woke up with a black eye, bruised knuckles, wearing women's clothing, in a house I did not recognize, next to a solid 9. Thank you for making 21 special.
What drink are we having for lunch?
We shouldn't eat pizza in the pool
We r drinking tequila out a glass bottle and smoking weed underwater, pizzas the least of our concern
Pretty good. They took the stitches out but it still hurts like a bitch. The doctor says I should be off crutches by next week.
Well, that's good. Let's hope drunk you doesn't sabotage you.
Hey Cat, it's Michael. You made out with me for a hot dog last night and I feel super used.
I told my coworker that I'd get him some edibles because he wants to rekindle his marriage. I'd better get some good karma out of this.
you're now officially the 3000 mile booty call. congrats.
So far 2 of my professors caught me looking at their dicks
I’ve wanted to home wreck him since their wedding. It was a dream come true
Replacing my paralegal is easy. Replacing my favorite office fuck toy is a totally different story. Damn him for wanting to better himself instead of being my manwhore
Randomize
