i just walked outside for a cigarette and three men walked by in glitter heels and gold shiny thongs. god i love chicago
New low: just hacked my moms facebook
Should I go home with him even though I know my Run DMC undies have skid marks on them?
He started yelling "fuck the environment" then puked all over the baby trees
What. The. Fuck. No, you will not spank me.
That wasn't intended for you, my bad.
He told me i had to sleep under his bed. He said it would be my castle.
Wise words from the guy who drunkenly chipped his teeth on the sidewalk
Crosswalk actually
Hey, next time you have sex, flick his balls, and tell him "thats for getting spit in jennifer's eye and laughing about it."
We left around 4am, just after you laid down on your front lawn to take a piss. After 15 mins I said "dude are you still peeing?" you replied "Nope, just laying here with my dick out."
Congratulations, your dick has been selected to participate in my birthday sex. Please reply with a response.
Do I have a choice?
I am sorry, you're response was not recognized. Please try again.
Any man who has a face like that and a bike, deserves a vagina like yours permanently.
Wait, you seriously DON'T keep vodka in your backpack??!??!?
When you're trying to sneak from the bathroom to your room with dildo, but it glows in the dark and suddenly your entire life is illuminated in the shape of dick
gin. gin. Gin. GIN GIN GINGINFFdJH
I did this clutch move yesterday at the bar where I grabbed a plastic cup for water and discreetly threw up in it while walking around and then tossed it. It was my best boot and rally ever
Randomize
