I saw a penis in my cereal this morning. do you think my cheerios are like professor trelawney's tea leaves?
one can only hope.
weed brownie and a latte, breakfast of champions
you do realize that we pretended we were worms for like 10 minutes and inched around on the ground, don't you?
He fell off a seesaw, tore half his ear off and somehow convinced the paramedic he was allowed to have a beer while being treated
After they flagged you, you hid in a bathroom stall and text me to bring you more shots. That kind of drunk.
Yea i think drunk-me kept all my bar receipts, just to throw it in sober-me's face.
Only he would come to a strip club and talk about an internship with Walt Disney during a lap dance.
I'm going to miss hockey season. It was the best excuse to get drunk on a Tuesday night.
Also, I've finally come to the point in the relationship when having sex with socks on is ok.
Gonna be late for work. Sex comes first. Priorities.
Please come over. It's a pajama and burn-2016-in-effigy party
HOLY FUCK i just remembered we had bows and arrows and firecrackers last night
and flaming arrows and vodka
how did we not set your garage on fire
I love you as a roommate, but you GOTTA start using the door dude..
Come to my place after work and we can discuss our finances over a coors delight and a fire ball shot
Dude my roommate just peed out the window
Randomize
