You know how britney does the hair flip too much in her new videos? Thats me right now
I'm currently imdbing Helena Bonham Carter to see if there are any pictures of her that don't scare the crap out of me.
Good luck with that.
i'm pretty sure god just pointed at me and laughed
Ur keys r in ur purse. ur purse is on the couch. ur cigs r on ur front seat. u drank all ur wine. mollie took ur jkt bc u cockblocked her. and in case anyone asks, the saints won 31-17.
Awww. A guy on the train just took his coat off so his girlfriend could throw up into it. Who says chivalry is dead?
This is worse that I thought. He's playing violin for me.
I don't know at least half of his name. I have officially become a statistic.
WTF WHY ARE YOU STILL NOT DOING A BEER BONG?! THE TOILET CLOG CAN WAIT
sarah just described his penis as "like bong-girth." I'm gunna go for it.
I guess I could probably fit that in between deep self reflection and teenage mutant ninja turtles
i could have been the DD. this is ridiculous. i'm the most sober and getting the least ass.
Yeah, this is not that. This is a father and son bonding moment involving my all of my orifices.
You mistakenly try to piss in a cactus bush ONE TIME and are forever dubbed cactus ass
Open the door and I will lure them out to freedom with viagra and candy orange slices. You know they love that shit.
Nobody's dick fell into my mouth tonight
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