Dude, hurry and get over. I need a wingman. She is on her 6th vodka shot and her resident ugly friend is still sober
I was actually kinda bummed my STD test came back negative.
That would have been proof he'd slept with the stripper. Lame.
I miss your penis. And I totally say this as a friend. I just miss it because it's great. You should be very proud of it.
Nothing like studying in the College of Communication to make you realize how smart you are.
I saw Winona at my church today. She has boobs, now.
Miracles do happen.
You were dancing on the bar and fell off into the arms of the hot bartender. It was like a fairy tale, with more alcohol.
Where can I buy a trophy for a Groupie Award?
She had sex with a merch guy. . . band guys make you groupies, Merch guys just means she's easy.
Where are you? This girl fell on a baby. She is just gone. Please Hurry
I'm hurrying
Dude. She just shit herself.
We saluted the chips to the national anthem before cooking them. The house has to get a munchies fryer
It looks like sephora exploded on his dick, so i assumed I was the second girl that gave him head that night.
She just told me she had a double jointed jaw and winked at me while eating her bananna. That's not possible right?
Please never let me the drunk fat dancer in the bus girl
Strangers are buying me shots and I got hit on by lesbians. How is it only tuesday
I would've fucked Winston Churchill - rode that D like I was going into battle.
I woke up and saw that my last google search was "Bacon neck".
Randomize
