I'm going to shit on something weird... I can't wait
He left the bathroom door open so i would hear him masturbate in the shower to make me feel guilty for not putting out but it just turned me on cause i like guys masturbating. weird?
im stripping for him via video chat, but the sound is turned off cause his students are taking a test
i am high, trapped with a bunch of skaters and asians watching a cat on lsd on youtube, the girl on the couch next to me is getting fingered, and there is lady gaga playing. god has forgetten about me
Dude she has a fucking rock collection. Never will I ever talk to her again.
It was ok at first, but now im getting freaked out by him jerking off to me doing yoga
I was mixing candy canes and coors light and was in a great place.
Let me put it this way - if I had a list of things I would like between my legs, she would rank below the cello I turned into firewood sophomore year.
If there was a saddle on his sack, she would ride it.
And on that day, Satan said; "Let there be the friend zone and let us get fucking high." while Jesus silently cried in the background.
N.C. cops just used a megaphone to tell me I have a slutty outfit. My life is complete.
we all thought you were asleep. he found you an hour later sitting outside in the snow lighting a bowl, singing the CatDog theme song, and hugging a box a Franzia.
ten seconds after he was done making out with the blonde, he rips off his jacket and screamed "Goddamn it, you know I like brunettes"
I have never seen someone so pissed at getting some. i called dibs so fuck him
i now regret my decision on turning down your offer of sex in the backseat
I'm sorry you had to knock him out on your birthday. But that also means I won the bet that you'd hit someone so you owe me 40. dollars
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