i just rode the bull and i see vomit in my future.
I feel like dying is the new "adopt an african baby"
They threw me out of the bar because I was arguing business ethics with the owner of th bar
Sleeping with two different guys who share a driveway is getting increasingly challenging to keep secret
There are pre-booty call contracts for a reason. I have no intention of calling you tomorrow.
Do you need my fax number or something?
I used his computer to order the pizza and the only thing he had in his search bar was 'text NASA'
i'll probably be on drugs forewarning
forewarning i'll probably have done those drugs with you
You fucked him. I baby bird fed him whiskey . I feel like we've bonded.
I've decided he is effectively a mouth, hands and cock held together by bad ideas and compliments, and I'm OK with that.
Just puked in my hallway. Good start to a great night
I don't think the TSA would be too happy. Who knows if three ounces of lube will be enough for us?
When we were done he got down next to the bed and I thought he was Tebowing. He was hitting a bong that he had already loaded and hidden under the bed.
You've never really lived until you tell someone you have an STD over snap chat.
"I'm 95% straight," he says. Cut to him on his knees...by far the most beautiful guy I've ever fucked.
there is glitter all over my balls
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