guy in front of me on the bus did 12 yrs, hes teling me about how to knife fight
i can't help myself.. i am just so in love with the kitchen manager.
...he was wearing JNCO shorts.. i'm pretty sure i saw the dragon.
We even fucked WHILE he was making me breakfast in bed.
I just saw a San Diego firetruck. No wonder they can't figure out how to fight wildfires if they get so fucking lost they end up in Nebraska.
That bad?
Full length cargo pants, running shoes, and a partial unibrow. Alcohol really is blinding.
we are watching a video on ethics because somebody wrote "butt sex" on the attendance sign in sheet
he tried to breastfeed my turtle
We can add pilot to the list of people who's lives I've changed...with my penis.
Send me the picture of my mugshot, my boss got arrested last night and I'm trying to make her feel better.
Taking my underwear off at work was one of my better decisions this weekend
We tried to play tennis but after about 15 minutes we gave up and fucked against the fence. Woulda been a cute third date so of course I had to ruin it.
If the fate of the world hinged on some chubby girl getting laid, the president would dispatch me with a fifth of Jameson immediately and then rest easy.
I tried to put my heels in the coat check
Our lives are a motherfucking joke
you know you should be lucky to find the case to my dildo....that means no more random guys at the house!
Randomize
