I just high-fived this girl after she swallowed.
I just woke up under a kitchen table with my sandals taped to my feet and a corona bottle taped to my hand..
you finished all 5 burgers, started crying tears of joy, and then claimed the tears were actually just 'meat sweats' from your eyes
sorry i couldnt make it to your birthday last night. i admit i chose being a whore over you.
We got really high and decided it would be a good idea to wash towels in the dishwasher. I left before I could see the final result.
I don't understand or I understand perfect - if were not talking about fried chicken I'm not sure what's happening.
A homeless guy wouldnt accept my granola bar because he didnt have any teeth. I think i win the prize for the ultimate rejection
White girls? They're everywhere. In packs. Drunk white girl packs.
He offered to take my unemployed self out for drinks, but I really just want him to buy me the Beyoncé album
I just spilled grey goose in my hair. You could say I keep it classy for the family Christmas parties.
Apparently my thong was thrown in the cornfield last night. No one will tell me why.
Can we talk about how she only slept with you because you remind her of a member of a K-pop group?
Sorry your girlfriend got you a valentines present and you forgot to get her one.
How long will your dick be dry?
She was riding me and giving me score updates to the basketball game at the same time..... Shes a keeper
Yeah, let's go with that. Fuck that weak moment of complete honesty I just had.
Randomize
