just witnessed a squirrel raping another squirrel. i couldn't look away.
Im mastering the way to pass gas silently.
Calvin and Hobbes are double-teaming a butterfly. They're in the bathroom, and drawing a crowd.
We need somewhere to take these girls. Otherwise it's a orgy in the Mazda.
we got plastered, then made lists of anything thats ever been in our vaginas
I know. Brad is upset because he was lower on the list than "that carrot stick"
Do you remember that time on the drunk bus when I kept thanking the bus driver for serving our country?
Apparently drunk me was getting hit on and i wasn't into it so i shouted "Stupify" at him like i was fucking harry potter then went to the pizza place next to the bar and punted some guys pizza box out of his hands. :(
If 26 stitches didn't sober her up, nothing will.
Got home to the hotel 3hrs ago per texts sent not in english to not a full phone number
Sure. But we have to be quiet.
Ninja mode activated
Got a minor my first day of college from the bike police. I'm gonna like it here
I should be trashily making out with an air force cadet in the beach volleyball court by now
I now have a "weirdest thing a guy ever did in bed" story. Cut my fingernails.
Yeah I'm gonna need you to stop it right there.I know this is supposed to be a safe space but Imma have to exit.
i dunno, a lot of my childhood feels like a drugged up fever dream
drunkkkkk be here I heart you
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