So drunk i had to piss sitting down...
Nothing says "I love you" like a full raw dog.
I woke up hungover and reached for a glass of water only to realize too late that it was vodka sprite with my splooge in it.
his dad told me thanks for making his little boy a man at breakfast this morning
She is a fish and this place is a barrel. I can play this game.
Judging by what's in the bathroom right now, I see you graced us with your presence last night.
I was trying to sing daddy wasnt there from austin powers but apparently I was crying and and yelling jibberish...I get to into this shit
All i want to do is drink fuck and cry... you dont have to cater all three its more like the saddest choose your own adventure ever
what's the appropriate greeting for someone whose bed you've had sex with someone else in?
Last night I had sex with one of the groomsmen I was in the wedding with. In a stairwell. 13 years my senior. Thinking I should retire from the bridesmaid gig.
How can I politely yet provocatively ask you for a cock shot?
fuck it. from now on whatever room i wake up in, i'm stealing clothes from. this walk of shame shit is too much without pants
I do NOT want to date a man who has no interest in going to a kangaroo farm
fries before guys. food before dudes. shakes before dates. chips before dicks. lemon bars before football stars. macaroni before screwin' tony. what i'm saying is please come to ladies' night
Passing out drunk in my therapists lobby may not be the best way to confirm my "stability"
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