I called you to phone bone last night, but you were out with your boring friends playing video games
Just joined the godiva rewards club. Who's the fat friend now.
You tend to look at life differently when you wake up to nutella vomit all over your room with no recollection of how it got there
You know how to spell recollection?
This wouldn't happen so much if fat girls would just stop being so damn easy.
I would also like to inform you that I can no longer lay on my back because my tailbone is bruised from the nightstand. Good job.
Really? How much of his life do you think he remembers? I'm pretty sure 75% of it qualifies as "kind of a blur".
Don't lose. A little bit of my soul dies every time a beer pong game is lost.
I will give you all my nachos to make this happen
....I feel like you are deciding whether or not I'm good enough for you based on what I ordered from Chipotle.
I'm surprised, it's been so long you must be starving
At a certain point, the zombie-like hunger goes away. Then the sadness sets in. Then you start lying to yourself that you're taking some "me time." Then you remember you dodged chlamydia and Buddha knows what else. Then you're at peace with it.
Pagan metal show. There is a folk dance happening in the mosh pit. Also, I have no idea where we are.
That moment during finals day when you either convince your teacher to let you out of the room or you shit you pants.
This reminds me of the time you were crying and puking in the toilet at that party while i did shots of tequila in between blow drying your feet. miss you!
I've literally slept one hour I'm honestly just surprised you can insult me this early
All I want is to get shitfaced and fuck random strangers is that really to much to ask?
Randomize
