what are you wearing?
Just my guilt
you woke up, pulled a beer bottle out of your pants..took a drink and went back to sleep.
Oh. He liked you.
Then you said "Are you asian?, I didn't know there was Asians in Colorado."
I want to fuck you on the side of the bed tonight.
babe, don't say it like that!
I'm sorry, I want to penetrate you on the edge of our sleeping quarters this evening.
because you can't take the autistic girl you're babysitting on a blunt ride.
Your wedding's just one more day in my life I can't wear sweat pants.
You grinded on me in Jimmy johns to a madonna song.
Finals week...the biggest cock block since your brother threatened me with a beer bottle at the bar.
just shotgunning some tallboys in the cooler, you?
HOW DO YOU GET RAISES EVERY TWO WEEKS?!
Clearly I was drunk when I met them I gave them a muffin. But they sure remembered me
Thought about it. I'm gonna go to work, but I'm gonna tell them I wrestled a bear saying I fell just isn't working.
Do you know how hard it is to put a bandaid on a vagina?
He said he's going to karaoke tonight and I just spilled a bunch of Cheetos on the floor and ate them all. So that's my night.
i have paint on my face i'm missing my earrings, there's a bag of rice in my room, and i have a purse full of monopoly pieces
Ugh. I need to go to the store, but I'm too lazy. Whatever shall I do? That girls still passed out. I should steal her car
Randomize
